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What is 'Attachment Style'?
The uncomplicated explanation:
Attachment style is how you relate to others in close relationships—the level of contact, intimacy, dependency, and conflict you generally feel comfortable having with romantic partners.
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The complicated explanation:
Attachment style refers to a set of involuntary emotional and behavioral responses you have toward people with whom you share a close bond. These styles are shaped by the type of relationship you had with your caregivers and are classified as Secure or Insecure. The relationships we had with our family members created a blueprint in our unconscious minds for what family and love are supposed to look like. Humans have a strong tendency to replicate—or find themselves in—relationships that reflect the familial patterns from their upbringing.
This happens for a few reasons, but most often it's because these patterns of relating feel normal to us—not necessarily what's normal for people in general, but what we personally recognize as familiar. So, if we grew up with a difficult childhood or emotionally unavailable parents, then no matter how much we may not want to replicate those patterns, it's very difficult to break free of them. Our brains are wired to interpret those less than ideal interaction styles as normal. We may miss red flags, or mistake green flags for red ones.
If you've struggled in love in the following ways...
For Couples:
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You feel like your partner doesn’t reciprocate your feelings.
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You feel overwhelmed by your partner’s emotions or their constant need to “talk about it.”
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You often feel like you're “the bad guy” in the relationship.
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You feel like you’re always chasing your partner for emotional connection.
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Your partner doesn’t respect your need for space.
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Your partner can be clingy or jealous at times, even without a clear reason.
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You feel like your partner can be overly critical.
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You feel like your partner tries to control you.
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Your partner won’t be honest about what’s actually upsetting them.
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Fights go in circles, and the issue never really gets resolved.
For Individuals:
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Despite wanting love, you always seem to end up single.
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It feels like you just haven’t met the right person yet.
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Everyone you date seems emotionally unavailable.
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Your relationships are intense, but short-lived.
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You want to let people in, but you just don’t trust them.
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At the beginning of dating, you feel overwhelmed by your emotions for the other person.
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You feel like you over-text and end up scaring the other person away.
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You date often, but it never seems to lead anywhere.
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You’d like a partner—but only if it fits neatly into your lifestyle.
Couples
I will help you both identify your attachment bond with your partner. Once we understand the dynamic that exists in the relationship, we will explore which behaviors and interactions exacerbate emotional insecurities or create a desire to withdraw.
Through the work we do together in our meetings—and the work you both do at home— you'll be able to identify exactly when an attachment need is arising and the best way to proceed with your partner. ​You'll both start to feel more secure and relaxed in your relationship and get back to enjoying the each other's company.
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Individuals
For individuals, I offer coaching focused on attachment style, self-confidence, and emotional regulation. I help you identify your Attachment style and understand how it may be sabotaging your relationships.
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You can think of your Attachment style as the operating system underlying all your regular "programming"—your thoughts, emotions, and physical sensations. Typically our attachment style functions as a system that either succumbs to or overcompensates for our insecurity in relationships. By learning to understand this unconscious operating system, you can begin to re-write the code and develop a system rooted in Security with oneself. In other words, I help you move from the Insecure State to the Secure State - giving you the awareness and tools to handle any relationship challenge!
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Why I'm Different
​​The work I do with you is grounded in evidence—specifically research studies that demonstrate that the type of work I do is effective in creating meaningful change. My background as a Marriage and Family Therapist has trained me to work with clients across a wide range of emotional challenges, ages, and cultural backgrounds.
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But this isn’t therapy.
So how is it different?
First, Insecure Attachment styles are not considered disorders. In other words, they are not clinical diagnoses that indicate dysfunction. Attachment difficulties are extremely common and do not necessarily mean someone has a mental health problem.
Second, coaching focuses more on education, personal growth, and achieving specific goals. While psychotherapy also uses education, tools, and goal-setting, it places greater emphasis on processing emotions and past experiences—particularly trauma and early childhood relationships. Therapy is also designed to treat diagnosable mental health disorders.
Someone with a mental health disorder can certainly benefit from my coaching, but having a diagnosis is not a requirement for this work.