A Cautionary Tale With Belief: The Narcissist.

As I mentioned in a previous blog post: belief creates reality. Our beliefs dictate how we see the world—and how we show up in it.

If I believe that I am good, righteous, and deserving of good things, then I interpret others’ actions as confirming this. I see myself as valuable and worthy.

Overall, this mindset is incredibly empowering, and I wholly encourage people to embrace it. But, like anything, it can become problematic when taken to an extreme. When self-belief becomes dogmatic and resistant to feedback, it starts to resemble something else: narcissism. It’s precisely because belief shapes our reality and the way we exist in the world that narcissists can be so incredibly dangerous and powerful.

Narcissists have no room for other people’s perspectives or realities. Their defense mechanisms are so deeply ingrained that they can manipulate almost any situation to cast themselves as either the hero or the victim—but never the abuser or the perpetrator of harm. Because of this delusionally strong self-belief, they can overpower and wear down anyone who disagrees with them—especially when the disagreement requires self-reflection.

Imagine someone saying an outrageous and deeply offensive claim, like: “Children deserve to be abused” or “Rape is sometimes excusable” or “The Nazis were right.” These statements are so shockingly incorrect and morally reprehensible that no argument could ever sway you. You would shut it down easily–with clarity, conviction, and self-righteous anger—because your belief is unshakeable. That is what narcissists do, but about themselves. They deny, dismiss, and defend against anything that challenges their sense of righteous supremacy. They hold such an unwavering belief in their own superiority, ‘benevolence,” or victimhood, that no opposing view can penetrate.

This blind fervor toward themselves is, paradoxically, both the source of their power and their eventual downfall.

Narcissists often succeed in the short term: their self-belief is so intense that they can impose their reality on others. They are highly persuasive. Their confidence is compelling. People may see them as bold, different, even as forces for change. They may appear to challenge broken systems or offer clarity in chaos. 

But over time, the gap between the narcissist’s version of reality and our individual realities becomes harder to ignore. Eventually, the disconnect becomes too big. People start waking up to the realization that they are eating sand, not caviar. What was once clarity, is actually control. 

Ultimately, the narcissist is destined to fail because their reality depends on minimizing or invalidating others. In an interconnected world—where our experiences and truths inevitably overlap—this approach is unsustainable. 

The narcissistic manifestation is then, by its very nature, limited and fleeting. It creates unwavering positivity for the self but offers little to no room for the well-being or perspectives of others. And because their success so often comes at the expense of those around them, it’s only a matter of time before the structure collapses. When enough people get cut down, that’s when the reckoning takes place. 

In the meantime, how can we arm ourselves against such a formidable threat? Be equally clear and grounded about who YOU are and what works for YOU. Trust your perspective and your feelings. Know your needs and values. By trusting in yourself, the narcissist loses their power over you. 

It is precisely because kind people give others the benefit of the doubt, own their own mistakes, and see the world in shades of grey, that they often fall prey to narcissists. These positive qualities are perfect tools for narcissistic exploitation:

• “The way I behave must just be a misunderstanding or due to ignorance—I’m not actually responsible for my actions.”

• “See, I’m not the problem – you’re the problem! You’ve hurt me too. So I don’t have to consider anything you're saying.”

• “Oh, it’s not black and white? You’re not 110% sure? Then you must have doubt—and if you have doubt, what you believe must not be true.”

  
  

These tactics exploit people’s inherent goodness and undermine their confidence.

This is why I believe the only true solution to dealing with a narcissist is to exit. There’s no room for flexibility or growth. Even when they’re eating sand, they’re exceptionally good at convincing themselves it’s caviar.

Only when their external reality profoundly contradicts their internal one is growth even possible—and even then, it’s painfully slow, rare, and unpredictable. Many narcissists never reach that point. They’re masters of blame-shifting, reinterpreting reality, or surrounding themselves with people who reinforce their perspective.

When you honor your own feelings, beliefs, and needs, you see clearly: there is no space for the narcissist’s version of reality to expand to fit yours.

So leave. Create distance. Set firm boundaries. Reclaim your own reality.

Back to self-belief – how can you then avoid becoming the narcissist yourself? Believe in yourself and believe in others. Accept feedback. Consider a reality where opposing viewpoints can both be correct.